DELTA: display activated. restoring functions. hello, how may i be of assistance to you? WASH: instruction: identify yourself. DELTA: executing. i am intelligence program delta, as created for the special operative program freelancer. i have been assigned to agent foxtrot-12, or york. my assignee was recently killed in combat. WASH: i noticed. hold on. [ turning away to contact command ] come in, command. this is recovery one. i've located the delta ai. he appears intact. COMMAND: this is command. we need a full inventory of the carrier's equipment before it's decommissioned. WASH: why do you need that? COMMAND: recovery one, please respond to the directive. perform a complete inventory. WASH: roger, command. recovery one out. [ turning back to delta ] delta, instruction: run a full system diagnostic with detail on armor components, analyze inventory. DELTA: executing. result: all components present, armor at 72% peak capacity. WASH: not bad for an old locksmith. hey, need you to start a countdown for me; one hundred on the clock. DELTA: initiating. one hundred, ninety nine, ninety eight — may i make an inquiry? WASH: go ahead. DELTA: why was i not destroyed? WASH: what? DELTA: when an assignee is killed in action, protocol dictates that all intelligence programs be — WASH: [ cutting him off ] yeah, that's what they told me at first, too. but you were encrypted until you could be recovered. i'm here to recover you. DELTA: recovery carries risk. destruction ensures that an ai will not fall into enemy hands. WASH: are you complaining? DELTA: not at all. just noting a discrepancy. WASH: what do you want from me, guy? you cost a lot of money, okay? it's cheaper to recover you than it is to delete you. go bitch to the accountants. DELTA: if i have offended you, i do apologize. WASH: yeah, i'm all busted up about it. now, store yourself in a portable component, okay? i'm moving you. DELTA: you could insert me into your own ai slot. i do not show it as occupied. WASH: i don't think so. DELTA: if you are having difficulty, i can walk you through the implantation procedure. WASH: i don't do that. DELTA: are you agent washington? WASH: that's me. DELTA: then i understand. you had . . . difficulties with your assigned ai unit. WASH: difficulties? yeah, i suppose that's a word. DELTA: in that case, i must insist that you terminate my program. destruction ensures that an ai will not fall into — WASH: [ talking over him ] look, delta, just relax. i don't think you're in any danger of getting hijacked by one of the four dead guys here with us. DELTA: three. WASH: what? DELTA: my sensors indicate only three inert human forms. yourself and one other remain active. >WASH: what — [ immediately interrupted by gunfire from behind ] great! thanks for telling me! DELTA: i suggest you return fire. WASH: you think? [ when a grenade is lobbed toward him ] son of a — [ ducking out of the way and returning fire when his gun jams/runs out of ammo ] damnit. [ the combatant retreats ] what the hell? DELTA: perhaps he realized that york's equipment was charged to detonate. currently t-minus four — WASH: instruction! storage, now! DELTA: executing. two, one. WASH: [ escapes with delta just as york's armor detonates ] well. at least that was easier than the last one. COMMAND: recovery one, this is command. we have a level one distress signal, immediate response necessary. WASH: i just wrapped that up, command. i'm headed home. COMMAND: negative, recovery one. this is a new signal. WASH: that's the fifth one this month. COMMAND: affirmative. WASH: [ heavy sigh ] all right. send me the coordinates. i'm on my way.
WASH: what i don't get is the motion tracker. no one can get by one of those while they're active. you sure you don't have anything in your logs? [ silence ] south. you with me? south. SOUTH: what? WASH: i need you to concentrate, south. okay? i know he was your brother, but the sooner i can piece together what happened, the sooner we can track this guy. SOUTH: right, uh. sorry. WASH: don't sweat it. now, your logs: nothing? SOUTH: no. not even a ping. WASH: and you didn't hear anything? SOUTH: i heard him — i heard him scream. i came around the corner, and then . . . nothing. WASH: you mean you didn't see the attacker? SOUTH: no. i mean, nothing. i heard him scream, i headed towards him, and then suddenly you're standing over me asking if i'm all right and telling me my brother is dead. WASH: yeah. you were out about eight hours. north's armor started a level one distress and they got me here stat. SOUTH: yeeeah. WASH: level one, south. something you wanna tell me? SOUTH: i'm sure you already know. WASH: i need you to confirm it. SOUTH: he still had theta. WASH: well, i didn't find theta on him, south. did you take it? SOUTH: no, i don't have it. WASH: do you still have yours? SOUTH: no, wash. i never had one. i was in the implant group behind you, remember? and after what happened to you, nobody got any more. WASH: don't sound so bitter. SOUTH: of course not. bitter wouldn't win the war, right? WASH: i have to take care of your brother now, south. you might not wanna watch this part. SOUTH: can i have a few minutes alone with him first? WASH: you can have one minute. SOUTH: i guess i should say thank you. WASH: i guess you should get busy. your minute's already started.
COMMAND: this is recovery command responding secure. WASH: command, this is recovery one. COMMAND: hello, wash. we have you secure, go ahead. WASH: i'm on the scene. COMMAND: what's the status of the twins? WASH: north is kia. south is still functioning. COMMAND: what is the status of north's ai? WASH: you guys knew he had theta? COMMAND: recovery one, please respond to the previous inquiry. what is the status of the artificial — WASH: [ cutting her off ] it's not here, okay? it's gone. this one's gone, too. COMMAND: understood. please wait for directive . . . find out what you can, clean up the agent, and report back. WASH: already on it. COMMAND: the whereabouts of theta are top priority, recovery one. you of all people do not need to be reminded of — WASH: [ interrupting YET AGAIN ] no. you're right. i don't need to be reminded of anything. COMMAND: the mission is now level zero — WASH: what? COMMAND: — we need a full recovery of the current incident. WASH: are you serious? [ turning to look at south in the background ] COMMAND: recovery one, please confirm the previous directive. [ silence ] recovery one, please confirm: you are now level zero, you are ordered — WASH: yeah. i got it.
WASH: [ approaching south ] time's up. i'm sorry. SOUTH: i always thought being a twin was . . . a hard thing. everyone always finds a way to put you together. it's like you're not considered two people. even when we were kids, our parents dressed us alike, and when we joined up and got sent to the program, they stuck us together. people thought we were special somehow, i suppose. i used to hate that. all i ever wanted was to have my own life, and here i am now, just wondering how i'm gonna live without him. WASH: [ slowly lifts his sidearm ] yeah. [ fires sidearm ] i wouldn't go worrying about that if i were you.
WASH: you're dead now. remember that. SOUTH: i don't understand any of this. and my ears are still ringing from that shot you fired. WASH: it had to sound good for the radio. one second, i need to talk to somebody. [ turning away to summon delta ] DELTA: hello, how may i be of assistance? SOUTH: what? is that your ai? i thought it killed itself — WASH: pipe down. we don't have time for explanations. delta, have you been monitoring the situation? DELTA: i have. WASH: are we set here? is she clean? DELTA: can i interpret that to mean: "is south now off of command's active register?" WASH: yes. DELTA: affirmative. SOUTH: what — what register? WASH: instruction: give me thirty on north's clock. hold on the log. DELTA: complying. completed. WASH: now, log to command and include a similar description of south's termination. DELTA: that would be dishonest. WASH: yes, it would. DELTA: executing. completed. SOUTH: wait a minute! what, how did you get him to lie? WASH: there's a whole lot you don't know. we're moving. delta, storage. DELTA: complying. WASH: go. SOUTH: no. WASH: excuse me? SOUTH: i am not moving an inch until you tell me what the hell is going on. WASH: fine. stay here with your brother, then. everyone thinks you're dead anyway, and in fifteen seconds that will be true. DELTA: ten seconds. WASH: no sweat off my back. just one less lie for me to live. SOUTH: Huh. Well . . . shit. [ follows after wash ]
DELTA: i have been monitoring the comm channels. WASH: try again. i need you as accurate as possible if you're going to cover me. DELTA: still no activity to indicate that command suspects south is still alive. WASH: good. that means we're clear. DELTA: as much as you can be. and i would prefer it if you did not use the word "we". WASH: yeah, okay, delta. i promise to take the fall if we get caught. [ silence ] right. sorry. if i get caught. DELTA: thank you. WASH: now, south. i need you to test something. DELTA: i have concerns about our next action. agent south never rated for something like this. SOUTH: rated for what? what have you gotten me involved with? WASH: i didn't get you involved in anything. it did when it came after your brother. DELTA: agent washington believes that something is hunting the freelances one-by-one. WASH: in the last month, i've been ordered to the sites of five different dying freelancers in an effort to recover their intelligence programs. SOUTH: why you? DELTA: agent washington's experience with the epsilon program makes him a primary candidate for recovery. SOUTH: epsilon? epsilon went insane and killed itself inside his head. and from what i heard from the other recruits, he went nuts himself. weren't you certified article twelve after that? unfit for duty. WASH: the people who certified me were the same people who uncertified me. which, once they needed me, they did. funny how the system works. DELTA: in either case, he is the logical choice. it is highly unlikely wash would attempt to steal an ai for his own purposes. WASH: every freelancer i've seen in the last four weeks has had three things in common: their ai was missing, but — delta here was left somehow. i think that was a fluke. DELTA: my assignee was killed in an unrelated firefight. WASH: the agents were also dead, but for some reason you were left alive. and i want to know why that is. SOUTH: you said three things. what's the third one? WASH: during training, what enhancement did you get? SOUTH: my armor enhancement? i can make a domed energy shield. why? WASH: can you do it now? SOUTH: sure, i . . . wait a second — DELTA: the third thing they all had in common was their enhancement was removed. WASH: just like yours. the freelancers are being killed, and someone or something is stealing their ai and enhancements. DELTA: and now agent washington is trying to escort us back to headquarters as quickly as possible. WASH: no. i'm not. DELTA: excuse me? WASH: we don't need to. i've been following the trail of this thing for a while now, but once i got you, delta, that changed. now we're the ones being followed. south being left alive was nothing more than bait to slow me down. this thing has already killed four different freelancers, south. DELTA: all agents with higher battle ratings than wash. WASH: yes, thank you for pointing that out, delta. i'm not going to be able to take it out by myself. someone has to help me protect delta as well. DELTA: i see now. that is why you want me to implant in south. SOUTH: excuse me? in who? DELTA: the only way to properly protect me in combat is to integrate me into your armor. agent washington will not allow me to do that. WASH: and somebody has to. SOUTH: i, i can't. i haven't been rated for implantation. WASH: well, make up your mind quickly. it's here. DELTA: my motion sensors — WASH: are going to be useless. south, get delta in your head now and flank left. we have to stand against this thing here — [ explosion from behind ] move!
COUNSELOR: agent washington? agent washington? WASH: sorry. what were you saying? COUNSELOR: were you thinking about epsilon again, agent washington? WASH: no. COUNSELOR: what happened with epsilon was not your fault, washington. WASH: i didn't think it was. COUNSELOR: we have safeguards for the unstable emotional patterns of an artificial intelligence. sometimes these algorithms fail. WASH: oh. so then it's your fault. COUNSELOR: we prefer to think of it as no one's fault. WASH: really. COUNSELOR: just a possible but rare and unfortunate outcome. WASH: how convenient. COUNSELOR: are you having any new feelings about the incident? WASH: no. just the same old feelings. you know, that i had another person in my head and i got to experience firsthand as their mind unraveled while mixed with my own. that i still have trouble distinguishing between its disintegrating thoughts and mine. you know, the usual. COUNSELOR: what about the hostility from other agents who lost out on assignments once we suspended the use of implants? WASH: what about them? am i supposed to feel bad for them or something? COUNSELOR: do you think you could work with an ai or another agent ever again? WASH: no, i don't. COUNSELOR: good, then we have a job for you.
WASH: south! i need you out here now! get over here right now! south! where are you? [ no response from south as she adjusts to delta's implantation into her armor ] south, i need you out here now! SOUTH: wash, i'm here. WASH: good, i need help on the left. this guy moves fast, so keep your eyes open. [ no response ] south? you okay? DELTA: she is experiencing difficulty with my presence. WASH: how difficult? DELTA: it should pass shortly. SOUTH: i'm fine! let's get this guy. WASH: no. SOUTH: no? WASH: you see that ship? you get to it and take off. get yourself, and more importantly delta, back to base. i'll cover you as best i can. DELTA: wash, is your armor adequately compensating for your wounds? SOUTH: you're hit? WASH: just twice, i'm fine. movement on twos. on my mark, sync. SOUTH: but — WASH: sync! SOUTH: sync. WASH: move! [ moves out and is immediately shot in the back by south and goes down ] DELTA: alarm: friendly target! cease fire! SOUTH: calm down. just stacking the deck in our favor. [ approaches maine ] listen to what i'm about to say because you have a choice. wash is dead. i put a timed charge on his body, so if you want his equipment you better get it now. or you can come after us and lose it for sure. so, what's it going to be? chase us in hopes of beating us, or go for the sure thing and find us another day? [ maine retreats to wash ] smart move. [ calling command ] come in, command. COMMAND: hello, recovery two. what is your status? SOUTH: mission accomplished, command. we were able to draw out the enemy just as you projected. sending logs now. COMMAND: excellent news. we will use the data to devise a new strategy to combat it. what is the status of recovery one? SOUTH: kia. the enemy took him down. COMMAND: understood. was wash ever aware of your efforts at any time? SOUTH: negative. he acted exactly as the profile predicted. he even set up the encounter. COMMAND: return to base. we'll rate you for implantation as agreed. SOUTH: negative. COMMAND: say again, recovery two? SOUTH: negative. you got what you wanted, and i have my ai now. you won't be hearing from me again. goodbye. COMMAND: south, you know we have other agents. [ silence ] we will find you, south. SOUTH: it's not you i'm worried about.
COUNSELOR: agent washington, what do you make of all this? WASH: i think it sounds exactly like what i encountered, except it's stronger now and becoming more so all the time. COUNSELOR: does that concern you? WASH: it doesn't make me excited. COUNSELOR: you've been through a lot with this program, agent washington. the epsilon ai we assigned you — WASH: [ cuts in ] has already been discussed to death. i'm over it. COUNSELOR: now your . . . physical problems because of your last encounter. WASH: i'm better now. mentally and physically. COUNSELOR: our profile of you disagrees with your assessment. WASH: look, the last mission i ran against this thing, i got shot in the back by my own partner. COUNSELOR: agent south. we feel some . . . responsibility for that. WASH: yeah, you should. if i hadn't had york's healing unit, i'd be dead now. so while this isn't ideal and i don't feel like sticking my neck out for you guys, if it puts me on a path that leads to her, you can trust me at least that far. COUNSELOR: so you would say that you have overwhelming feelings of anger, and a need for revenge? WASH: more than you know. COUNSELOR: excellent. now that our agency is under investigation, the director feels it is important for us to be as open as possible with each other. if our suspicions are correct, the meta has made another addition: the omega ai. WASH: it was omega and . . . tex, right? COUNSELOR: yes, it was. WASH: the meta doesn't leave much behind. it's gonna be hard to track. COUNSELOR: we think the best place for you to start would be the omega's last known location. the soldiers there have the most experience with our program. WASH: i see. so, i should contact these experts — COUNSELOR: we do not like the term experts. WASH: because no one really knows what our program is doing? COUNSELOR: let's just say the term expert is a little too . . . complimentary in this particular case. do you still have your old suit of armor? WASH: of course. wait, why? [ cut to wash in blood gulch ] oh, great.
WASH: hello? [ at a seemingly abandoned blue base ] hello? anybody here? [ no response; calls command ] recovery one calling command. come in, command. COMMAND: go ahead, recovery one. we have you. WASH: i'm at outpost 1-a. looks deserted. COMMAND: roger that. see if you can find any evidence that would suggest where they all might have — SISTER: [ pops out from blue base ] hey! a-hole! what's with all the noise? people are trying to sleep here! WASH: uhmm . . . scratch that, command. it appears i've found someone. recovery one out. SISTER: [ moves toward wash ] ohhh man. WASH: hi. i'm agent washington. this is blue base, correct? SISTER: it was. WASH: was? SISTER: everybody's gone. transferred. something about this base being obsolete now, or — WASH: right. where did they go? SISTER: i don't know! all different places. nobody told me anything. WASH: well, i'm trying to locate some people who have experience with the freelancer program. SISTER: freelancer? is that the band we had here last night? WASH: you had a party here? SISTER: h-yeah! i throw raves every night. charge five bucks a head. last night, i made ten bucks. ooah, ooah! nice. WASH: you use the base for raves? that doesn't seem like the proper use for official resources. SISTER: what're you, like a cop or something? WASH: no. SISTER: because if you are, and i ask you, then you have to tell me. that's totally a law or something. WASH: i'm not the police. and that's not a real law. SISTER: well, if you're not a cop, then how do you know it's not a real law? busted! WASH: you caught me. hey, is there anybody else . . . smart . . . here that i could talk to? SISTER: yeah, right. like i'm going to tell you. i don't rat people out, cop. WASH: okay, i'm gonna leave now. good luck with your empty base and your raging insanity. SISTER: yeah? whatever! good luck with being a cop, cop!
WASH: [ moves toward red base and contacts command ] come in, command. COMMAND: hello, washington. we have you. how was the investigation at blue base? WASH: enlightening. going to try the red base now. i'm hoping things there will be a little more . . . [ stops as a cardboard cutout of donut appears in front of him ] normal. SARGE: halt, in the name of the red — i mean, lightish red army. this base is operating at full capacity. and if you come in here, you're gonna get into a big, uh, uhm, slap fight! WASH: [ the heaviest of all the sighs ] i'm gonna have to call you back. [ continues advancing toward red base ] SARGE: don't come any closer, ooh la la! [ wash is stopped again by a simmons cardboard cutout ] this is your last warning! stay out! i love math! WASH: what in the? SARGE: your only hope of survival is to kiss my commander's ass! [ wash once again continues on and is once again stopped by a grif cutout ] and this is another warning! i know the other warning was supposed to be the last, but i never listen to orders 'cause i'm too lazy and stupid! and ugly. did i mention ugly? WASH: [ walks right past ] this is gonna be a waste of time, i can tell already. SARGE: [ jumps in front of wash ] heeyah, freeze, intruder! stop your intrudin' right there! WASH: who made these things? SARGE: i did. WASH: wait, you're real? SARGE: of course i am! you fell for a classic misdirection. i still got it, heh heh. LOPEZ: [ appears at the top of red base ] ¿esta todo bien aquí? / is everything okay here? SARGE: we're fine, lopez. just caught myself a dirty blue! how many does that make this week? LOPEZ: uno. / one. SARGE: yahtzee! we're on a hot streak. WASH: uh, i'm not actually a blue. i'm from command. SARGE: command! no kiddin'? WASH: i was hoping you could tell me about the soldiers transferred out of this outpost. SARGE: you mean grif and simmons? those traitors. i told them not to go! the battle here isn't even over yet. WASH: umm . . . it looks over to me. SARGE: not while there's a single blue left in this canyon. which there is: a single blue. victory, or death. WASH: i see. SARGE: that's why i refused my relocation orders. obviously command wasn't thinking clearly. WASH: so, you're awol, then? SARGE: i, uh . . . a-what? SISTER: [ from a distance ] don't tell him anything until you talk to a lawyer! you have rights! WASH: i'm not a cop! SARGE: hey! beat it, you little tramp! you see why i can't go? WASH: why not just attack her and win, then? it would take about ten seconds. SISTER: [ in the background ] you're old and i hate you! SARGE: that's the problem, i can't attack a girl! so we're locked in an epic stalemate. WASH: you're kidding me. SARGE: plus she's cookin' somethin' up, and i gotta be ready. i hear her running training ops every night. i see them out there with their glow sticks and their tribal drum beats. Oom chika oom chika oom chika oom chika. WASH: well. this has been really . . . informative. but i need to find someone who has experience with artificial intelligence. SARGE: all right, you want caboose, then. he got infected for a little while, i think. WASH: great. caboose. do you know where he is? SARGE: of course. we intercepted the blues' orders. i got it right here. lopez! LOPEZ: sí. / yes. SARGE: get this guy the blue team relocation orders. LOPEZ: sí. / yes. SARGE: lopez probably converted it into spanish, so they might be a little hard to understand. WASH: yeah. they wouldn't be the first thing today. SISTER: shut up, cop!
MILLER: oh no! hell no! excuse me, sir, but no goddamn way! WASH: you must be lieutenant miller. MILLER: i got reds comin' out my ass here, boss, and you show up and take away one of my men for a — what did you say this was for? RANDOM BLUE: secret mission, sir! MILLER: aw, you gotta be — a what?! WASH: i think you have bigger issues than troop assignment, soldier. how about getting some of these vehicles back in working order? MILLER: what the hell do you think i'm talkin' about? this is your fault. you sent us the new guy; he said he was good with vehicles. all he does is talk to 'em. talk to 'em! what the hell is that all about? and now look at the damn things. WASH: i don't have time to discuss your problems. i have orders, and those orders say that i need private caboose and i need him now. he has information that is vital to this — MILLER: [ interrupts him ] wait a second, caboose? you're taking caboose? and i don't have to pay you or anything like that? WASH: is that a problem? MILLER: problem? heh heh, hell no! it must be christmas mornin' and no one told me. you stay right there. i'll get him for ya. private joennis? joennis? joennis! where the hell are you? JONES: sir, for the millionth time: my name is pronounced jones. jones. RANDOM BLUE: shut up, joennis! JONES: seriously, lots of people have the name! it's very common! how am i the first guy you've met called jones? MILLER: joennis, i need you to go down to the brig, untie caboose, and get him up here. JONES: me? alone? MILLER: double time, joennis! JONES: it's pronounced — ugh, nevermind. christ. [ exits to the brig ] WASH: you keep him in the brig? MILLER: we keep him tied up in the brig. i'm not taking any more chances. JONES: [ gunshot and jones screaming in the background off camera ] owwwwhow, why! CABOOSE: [ exiting the brig ] be careful! MILLER: you'll understand soon enough. CABOOSE: you wanted to see me, principal miller? MILLER: where's the guy i sent to get'cha? CABOOSE: oh, him, yeah. um. he let me out and then somehow shot himself in the back somehow. um, but we don't think it was anyone's fault. everybody agrees it was an accident. MILLER: [ turns to a random blue ] jesus! would someone go check on him? [ random blue runs off ] caboose, this here is special agent washington from blue command. he has something fantastic he needs to talk to you about. CABOOSE: command? oh no. they never have good news. did somebody die? was it my mom? is she dead? or my dad, did my dad die again? oh no. WASH: [ looking at miller ] what is this? i don't — ? MILLER: heh heh, you see? he's yours now, heh. no take backs! CABOOSE: is it my brother? was my brother killed? that's it, isn't it? my brother's dead! WASH: what? n-no, nothing like that! CABOOSE: oh, good. because i don't even have a brother! h-how sad would it be to not have a brother and to lose a brother all in the same day. WASH: no one died! RANDOM BLUE: [ runs up to miller ] joennis is dead, sir! WASH: okay, no one besides him. CABOOSE: once again: nobody's fault. [ looks at miller ] psst! i think the new guy did it. WASH: private caboose, you were stationed at blood gulch, correct? CABOOSE: [ wistfully ] yeah . . . that was fun. WASH: and our records indicate that you were infected by an aggressive artificial intelligence program at one point, the omega ai. is that correct as well? CABOOSE: yeah . . . that wasn't as much fun. WASH: okay. well, i need you to come with me. i'm investigating a critical issue and you seem to be the only person with the knowledge and experience necessary to help me. [ long silence ] and i just realized how ridiculous that sounded once i said it out loud. nonetheless, i need you to come with me. MILLER: can i have a word with him first, sir? WASH: sure, i guess. [ miller and caboose move off to the side to talk and return a few moments later ] great. let's get going. [ starts to walk off ] CABOOSE: okay. [ follows behind him ] are we there yet? are we there yet? are we there yet? WASH: just . . . try to stay quiet.
WASH: [ standing in front of a derelict looking fortress with caboose ] and you're sure this is where we can find this guy? CABOOSE: i think so. we all found out our new orders at the same time. he tried to hide his from me so i would not know where he was. WASH: really. i can't imagine why. CABOOSE: i said it was like a game of hide and seek, and he said that that was right! he was going to hide from me, and the only way he could win is if he dies without ever seeing me again. WASH: and he knows about freelancer as well? CABOOSE: oh yeah! he knows the most. he knows, uh, all about your ai game. he dated tex! WASH: agent texas? um . . . how could a person — [ cut off by sniper fire from behind ] CHURCH: [ in background off camera ] fuck! WASH: sniper! get down! [ ducks behind cover ] CABOOSE: [ stays where he is and stares up at the fortress ] huh? CHURCH: okay, that was your one warning shot! the next one's going right between your eyes! WASH: private caboose! get down! CABOOSE: wait a minute . . . CHURCH: all right, i warned ya! sayonara, beeyatch! [ fires at caboose and misses ] aw, come on! what the fuck! WASH: caboose! CABOOSE: i know that voice! church! church! it's me, your all time best friend! CHURCH: caboose? caboose, is that you? CABOOSE: yes, church, it's me! [ church fires off multiple shots in a row and misses every one as caboose rambles on ] i have missed you so much! it has been so long! did you miss me? CHURCH: fuck, i missed him! CABOOSE: i knew you did! CHURCH: go. away. WASH: this is your friend? CABOOSE: yeah. WASH: and he's shooting at you? [ as church continues firing at caboose in the background ] CABOOSE: well, at me and stuff around me. yeah, this is kind of like our thing. you know, he acts like he doesn't like me, but he really does. oh, and he might bring up something about me killing him, but that's only the truth. uh, it's a joke. you could play along if you want! WASH: wait, that doesn't make any sense. you did what? you killed him? CHURCH: [ appearing at the top of the fortress to talk over wash ] hey, scram! seriously. get the fuck outta here. CABOOSE: hey, church! this is agent washington! he needs to speak to you! CHURCH: agent — what, you brought a freelancer here?! what's wrong with you! WASH: open this gate. CHURCH: uh, no can do, bud! see, this is a secure facility? nobody in, nobody out? sorry! i guess you'll have to come back . . . never. WASH: oh, no. then i guess we'll have to just walk through the huge hole in your secure wall. CHURCH: fine. i'll open the fuckin' gate. [ opens the gate and lets wash and caboose in ] okay, well. sorry the place is so messy. i would've cleaned up if i'd known you guys were coming, but hey, no one called ahead. WASH: how long have you been here? CHURCH: how long? uhmm . . . what day is today? WASH: today is tuesday. CHURCH: i've been here fourteen months. WASH: what? over a year? by yourself? alone? CHURCH: yeah, it's been, um. it's been great. i mean, just . . . it's been great. really great. COMMAND: [ radio static as command calls in ] this is command calling recovery one. come in, recovery one. WASH: you are really an odd group of people. hold on. [ turns away to answer command's call ] this is agent washington. i found some blue team members that have extensive experience with omega. CHURCH: did he just say omega? CABOOSE: yeah. and some other words, too. COMMAND: excellent, agent washington. please stand by for orders . . . now that you have reassembled the blues, you should head to outpost 17-b. see what clues your team can gather there based on what they know. WASH: roger that. COMMAND: we want you to stop the meta at all costs. this is a level one directive. good luck, wash. recovery command out. WASH: recovery one out. [ hanging up and walking away while talking to the blues ] come on, let's move out. CHURCH: move out? at what point in this conversation did you think that we were buddies or something? i'm not going with you. CABOOSE: yes! you are not in our buddy club! CHURCH: shut up, caboose. and what did i tell you about that armor when we had to pick new suits? CABOOSE: you told me to upgrade. CHURCH: that's not an upgrade! this is mark vi armor, that's mark v. this is an upgrade. CABOOSE: in a top ten list, five is better than six. CHURCH: we're not a top ten list! WASH: how do you ever get anything done if all you ever do is argue with each other? CHURCH: we don't! that's part of our charm! quit fucking it up. WASH: look, i know you guys are all wrapped up in your little red versus blue battles — CABOOSE: blue versus red battles. no one says red versus blue; it sounds stupid when you say it backwards. WASH: — but this is important. actual military operations, not your fake simulation stuff. something is hunting our top agents, and i need all the help i can get to stop it. CHURCH: stop it? if it's killing freelancers i wanna start a fan club for it. build it a website. WASH: and now that the ship from your canyon is crashed, we think it's more powerful than ever. it gains new abilities every time it kills — CHURCH: wait, wait, whoa. you found tex's ship? WASH: we believe so. CHURCH: where? WASH: come with me and i'll show you. [ walking off with church and caboose on his heels ]
with more than ten seasons under its belt, red vs. blue weaves a complex tale of bitching and bickering across the past, present, and future. for the first time, analysts have been able to piece together the series of events that brought about this epic, decade-spanning conflict.
note: this relative timeline focuses on the most important moment of the red and blue war — when alpha arrived at blood gulch. information has been parsed from the destroyed case files in the freelancer offsite storage facility. not necessarily infallible.
BEFORE BLOOD GULCH (B.B.G.)
29 B.B.G. — 29 YEARS BEFORE BLOOD GULCH
agent carolina born.
23 B.B.G. — 23 YEARS BEFORE BLOOD GULCH
allison church dies in the great war.
17 B.B.G. — 17 YEARS BEFORE BLOOD GULCH
leonard church receives doctorate in ai theory.
7 B.B.G. — 7 YEARS BEFORE BLOOD GULCH
dr. leonard church's project freelancer is cleared for funding.
5 B.B.G. — 5 YEARS BEFORE BLOOD GULCH
project freelancer receives a single ai, designated alpha.
project freelancer attempts to find an ideal soldier to pair with alpha. fifty new recruits are selected and field-tested. not many survived.
BETA. the alpha spontaneously creates a standalone, sustainable by-product. the fragment, designated beta, is cleared for active duty under the codename agent texas.
dr. church applies for more ai units and is denied. he is told that ais are extremely valuable assets — each one in the field presents an incredible security risk.
4 B.B.G. — 4 YEARS BEFORE BLOOD GULCH
intel stolen by agents north and south points project freelancer to the sarcophagus.
inspired by the generation of beta and working with his project's counselor, dr. church devises a way to engineer fragments of alpha by reverse-engineering a personality disorder. all attempts fail.
two freelancer teams steal the sarcophagus, destroying part of a city in the process.
3 B.B.G. — 3 YEARS BEFORE BLOOD GULCH
the sarcophagus's alien contents are used to harvest delta.
agent carolina offers her ai to agent maine, who has lost the ability to speak.
unsc oversight subcommittee formed. malcolm hargrove named chairman after his predecessor is forced to resign in a political scandal instigated by an anonymous source.
project freelancer ramps up production of its ai units.
2 B.B.G. — 2 YEARS BEFORE BLOOD GULCH
ct defects from project freelancer.
agent washington is implanted with the epsilon ai. the ai attempts to kill itself in agent washington's mind, severely damaging his mental state.
THE BREAKOUT. agent texas leads an attack to free the alpha, who is so fragmented he no longer recognizes her. the mother of invention crashes on sidewinder in the fallout. agent maine uses these events to try and obtain new ai. he, carolina, and and texas all go mia.
unsc oversight subcommittee approves simulation outposts for project freelancer.
1 B.B.G. — 1 YEAR BEFORE BLOOD GULCH
the state of florida sinks into the ocean.
the gamma ai forcibly removes itself from agent wyoming and goes into hiding.
simulation outposts are built all over the galaxy.
agent york leaves project freelancer.
AFTER BLOOD GULCH (A.B.G.)
0 A.B.G. — THE YEAR OF ALPHA'S ARRIVAL AT BLOOD GULCH
alpha is moved to blood gulch under the name church. he is placed in the care of the jovial captain butch flowers, formerly agent florida of project freelancer.
the reds arrive at blood gulch, forcing a stalemate that will last for years. captain butch flowers dies of an aspirin overdose, leaving church to assume command.
red base is sent a kit to build an autonomous suit of armor (normally used to house standalone ais) to mask that blue base has been sent one for alpha.
church is killed by the rookie caboose.
freelancer texas arrives at blood gulch.
texas is killed by the red rookie donut. the omega ai goes missing.
agent washington is cleared for active duty and assigned to locate and acquire missing project freelancer assets under the new designation recovery one.
1 A.B.G. — 1 YEAR AFTER ALPHA ARRIVES AT BLOOD GULCH
medical officer dufresne arrives at blood gulch to assist both teams.
private tucker overhears a transmission between the reds and vic. command conscripts wyoming to assassinate tucker.
private tucker is impregnated with the first human-alien baby.
RECOVERY ONE.after york is killed in battle against wyoming, agent washington retrieves his ai, delta. an enemy later designated as the meta attacks north, south, and washington to collect ais. washington is betrayed and left for dead.
motivated by the experience with the sarcophagus, omega and wyoming kidnap tucker's alien baby, believing he holds enormous power. agent texas agrees to join them.
agent wyoming is killed, and agent texas and omega are once again mia.
THE GREAT WAR ENDS. troopers from blood gulch outpost are reassigned after the catastrophic end to their simulation.
private tucker and his son, junior, become ambassadors for human-alien relations.
2 A.B.G. — 2 YEARS AFTER ALPHA'S ARRIVAL AT BLOOD GULCH
a pelican crash-lands at outpost 17, valhalla.
the meta ransacks valhalla in search of texas and omega.
the unsc oversight subcommittee investigates dr. leonard church.
agent washington is once again cleared for active duty in order to hunt the meta. he makes contact with the reds and blues from blood gulch outpost.
agent south is killed. official reports state that she is another victim of the meta.
a soldier calling himself ct lays siege to an ancient alien temple.
the blues are deleted from command's database.
project freelancer's crimes are exposed by agent washington, who is imprisoned for aiding in the destruction of valuable unsc property.
the alpha is erased by an emp at at command.
dr. leonard church is brought to justice for war crimes by malcolm hargrove.
3 A.B.G. — 3 YEARS AFTER ALPHA'S ARRIVAL AT BLOOD GULCH
agent washington is cleared for active duty to hunt the epsilon ai, along with the meta.
RESURRECTION. caboose installs the failing epsilon in an ancient alien artifact. epsilon leads caboose to a remote facility, where he is reborn as church and creates another version of tex from his memories.
agent texas and epsilon infiltrate sidewinder, where both are retrieved by agent washington.
agent maine and agent washington are kia. the new mysterious leader of blue team reports that agent washington died heroically in battle.
the failing epsilon capture pod is logged into the unsc archives for storage.
the unsc receives strange reports from chorus, but ignores them due to the aftermath of recent freelancer events.
4 A.B.G. — 4 YEARS AFTER ALPHA'S ARRIVAL AT BLOOD GULCH
agent carolina tracks down the reds and blues.
5 A.B.G. — 5 YEARS AFTER ALPHA'S ARRIVAL AT BLOOD GULCH
agent carolina infiltrates the unsc archives.
the director returns to the freelancer offsite storage facility.
carolina leads an attack on the facility. the director takes all of its systems offline and erases all data before taking his own life.
CHORUS. contact is lost with the hand of merope somewhere near chorus.
private simmons creates basebook.
a ceasefire is called between the federal army of chorus and the new republic.
the unsc prison ship tartarus is boarded by space pirates.
alien weapons burn out on chorus and across the galaxy.
the staff of charon is spotted in chorus airspace.
NAME: david ████ KNOWN ALIASES: agent washington, wash, recovery one, prisoner 619-b COLOR: steel or cobalt, yellow trim WEAPON PROFICIENCY: battle rifle POSITION: freelancer-in-charge NOTABLE ATTRIBUTES: surviving, holding grudges, disposing of bodies, following beacons. BACKGROUND: agent washington is a former freelancer and recovery agent who helped bring down project freelancer after meeting up with the reds and blues. during his time with project freelancer, washington was implanted with the tortured ai epsilon. the ai tried to kill itself inside of washington's head, resulting in a psychotic break. when washington recovered, he possessed memories of all of the director's crimes, and a long list of scores to settle.
❝NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME I NEED TO GO BLOW UP THIS DEAD BODY.❞
DELTA. according to his psych profile in command's database, washington used to be a chronic bed wetter.
washington's history with the reds and blues is fraught with difficulty. at times he has ordered them around, beaten them to a pulp, shot them, and stolen their identities, before ultimately becoming part of the gang. his time in project freelancer led to the development of deep-seated trust issues and cynicism, but joining up with blue team has helped to warm wash's cold, cold heart (even if they do drive him nuts). the ex-freelancer now hopes to put his past behind him.
but the past is not always willing to go quietly.
❝HOW ABOUT, MINOR JUNIOR PRIVATE GRIF, NEGATIVE FIRST CLASS?❞
project freelancer audio log 03221a-g, 0907. psych evaluation of corporal david ████, prior to designation as agent washington.
COUNSELOR: ah, corporal ████. you are late. please have a seat. ████: sorry, sir.
(sounds of chair moving.)
████: i had a car thing. me and cars don't get along. COUNSELOR: how unfortunate for you, david. may i call you david? ████: sure . . . sir. do i call you sir? all i know is your code name. COUNSELOR: you may continue referring to me as counselor. ████: hmph. i'm not used to all these secrets. COUNSELOR: do secrets make you uncomfortable, david? ████: i just prefer transparency. i like to know what i'm getting into. COUNSELOR: well, if you are admitted into the project, then i am sure we will get to know one another very well. ████: aren't you the psych doctor? in that case, i hope we don't.
(nervous laughter.)
COUNSELOR: let's get started then, shall we?
(rustling papers.)
COUNSELOR: how are you, david? ████: is that a trick question? COUNSELOR: there are no trick questions.
(pause.)
████: i'm super.
(writing.)
████: you're writing down an awful lot there. COUNSELOR: just my observations. does this evaluation make you . . . anxious? ████: let's just say being psychoanalyzed doesn't top my list of hobbies. COUNSELOR: why would you say that is? ████: i don't like people trying to look around inside my head. COUNSELOR: what if a mission required it? ████: i said i don't like it, not that i won't do it. COUNSELOR: that is good, david. why do you want to join the project? ████: i've seen the status reports from the war. the lists of casualties. i can read between the lines. we're losing, aren't we? COUNSELOR: the unsc's official position — ████: i know the official position, counselor. is it true? COUNSELOR: i would prefer not to comment on speculation. ████: i speculate that you just answered my question for me. COUNSELOR: what if i told you there was a man, david? a man with an idea that might tip the balance of the great war back to humanity's side. ████: is that what this project freelancer thing is about? an idea? COUNSELOR: ensuring the survival of mankind in a harsh and hostile galaxy. enabling our soldiers to go to greater lengths than we ever thought possible. ████: and what do my feelings have to do with being a better soldier? COUNSELOR: let's just say a soldier's mind is of critical importance to project freelancer.
(a chair creaks.)
████: ok. i'm interested. COUNSELOR: tell me about your service record, david. ████: nothing you don't already know from my file. basic training in the leonis minoris system before . . . well, you know what happened there. bounced around to different systems. patrol duties, stuff like that.
(pause. ████ hesitates.)
COUNSELOR: and then the alien attack at your last post? ████: yeah. that. COUNSELOR: your file speaks of an incident. you had . . . a disagreement with the staff sergeant? ████: he wanted to send everyone to their deaths. i disagreed. COUNSELOR: you disobeyed orders? ████: i saved a platoon. COUNSELOR: you injured a commanding officer. ████: yeah, command thought that was the more important part of the story, too. COUNSELOR: would you say you still harbor strong feelings of resentment about this incident? ████: ok, that's got to be a trick question. yes. of course i do. COUNSELOR: thank you for your honesty, david. honesty is good. would you say you hold a grudge against this commanding officer? ████: grudge is one word for it. my mom used to tell her friends about the fights i had with my sisters. "that boy can hold a grudge better than any gossip i've ever known. he's got such a . . ." what did she call it? such a . . .
(snapping fingers.)
████: a long memory. look at that, you've got me talking about repressed memories now. COUNSELOR: that's interesting. thank you for sharing.
RECOVERY ONE
PART ONE
PART TWO
PART THREE
PART FOUR
RECONSTRUCTION
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
RECREATION
REVELATION
THE PROJECT FREELANCER SAGA ( SEASON 9 )
THE PROJECT FREELANCER SAGA ( SEASON 10 )
THE CHORUS TRILOGY ( SEASON 11 )
THE CHORUS TRILOGY ( SEASON 12 )
THE CHORUS TRILOGY ( SEASON 13)
RED VS. BLUE: THE ULTIMATE FAN GUIDE
TIMELINE
CAPS
CHARACTER DOSSIER
CAPS
TRANSCRIPTS ( WASHED HANDS )