WASH: [ standing in front of a derelict looking fortress with caboose ] and you're sure this is where we can find this guy? CABOOSE: i think so. we all found out our new orders at the same time. he tried to hide his from me so i would not know where he was. WASH: really. i can't imagine why. CABOOSE: i said it was like a game of hide and seek, and he said that that was right! he was going to hide from me, and the only way he could win is if he dies without ever seeing me again. WASH: and he knows about freelancer as well? CABOOSE: oh yeah! he knows the most. he knows, uh, all about your ai game. he dated tex! WASH: agent texas? um . . . how could a person — [ cut off by sniper fire from behind ] CHURCH: [ in background off camera ] fuck! WASH: sniper! get down! [ ducks behind cover ] CABOOSE: [ stays where he is and stares up at the fortress ] huh? CHURCH: okay, that was your one warning shot! the next one's going right between your eyes! WASH: private caboose! get down! CABOOSE: wait a minute . . . CHURCH: all right, i warned ya! sayonara, beeyatch! [ fires at caboose and misses ] aw, come on! what the fuck! WASH: caboose! CABOOSE: i know that voice! church! church! it's me, your all time best friend! CHURCH: caboose? caboose, is that you? CABOOSE: yes, church, it's me! [ church fires off multiple shots in a row and misses every one as caboose rambles on ] i have missed you so much! it has been so long! did you miss me? CHURCH: fuck, i missed him! CABOOSE: i knew you did! CHURCH: go. away. WASH: this is your friend? CABOOSE: yeah. WASH: and he's shooting at you? [ as church continues firing at caboose in the background ] CABOOSE: well, at me and stuff around me. yeah, this is kind of like our thing. you know, he acts like he doesn't like me, but he really does. oh, and he might bring up something about me killing him, but that's only the truth. uh, it's a joke. you could play along if you want! WASH: wait, that doesn't make any sense. you did what? you killed him? CHURCH: [ appearing at the top of the fortress to talk over wash ] hey, scram! seriously. get the fuck outta here. CABOOSE: hey, church! this is agent washington! he needs to speak to you! CHURCH: agent — what, you brought a freelancer here?! what's wrong with you! WASH: open this gate. CHURCH: uh, no can do, bud! see, this is a secure facility? nobody in, nobody out? sorry! i guess you'll have to come back . . . never. WASH: oh, no. then i guess we'll have to just walk through the huge hole in your secure wall. CHURCH: fine. i'll open the fuckin' gate. [ opens the gate and lets wash and caboose in ] okay, well. sorry the place is so messy. i would've cleaned up if i'd known you guys were coming, but hey, no one called ahead. WASH: how long have you been here? CHURCH: how long? uhmm . . . what day is today? WASH: today is tuesday. CHURCH: i've been here fourteen months. WASH: what? over a year? by yourself? alone? CHURCH: yeah, it's been, um. it's been great. i mean, just . . . it's been great. really great. COMMAND: [ radio static as command calls in ] this is command calling recovery one. come in, recovery one. WASH: you are really an odd group of people. hold on. [ turns away to answer command's call ] this is agent washington. i found some blue team members that have extensive experience with omega. CHURCH: did he just say omega? CABOOSE: yeah. and some other words, too. COMMAND: excellent, agent washington. please stand by for orders . . . now that you have reassembled the blues, you should head to outpost 17-b. see what clues your team can gather there based on what they know. WASH: roger that. COMMAND: we want you to stop the meta at all costs. this is a level one directive. good luck, wash. recovery command out. WASH: recovery one out. [ hanging up and walking away while talking to the blues ] come on, let's move out. CHURCH: move out? at what point in this conversation did you think that we were buddies or something? i'm not going with you. CABOOSE: yes! you are not in our buddy club! CHURCH: shut up, caboose. and what did i tell you about that armor when we had to pick new suits? CABOOSE: you told me to upgrade. CHURCH: that's not an upgrade! this is mark vi armor, that's mark v. this is an upgrade. CABOOSE: in a top ten list, five is better than six. CHURCH: we're not a top ten list! WASH: how do you ever get anything done if all you ever do is argue with each other? CHURCH: we don't! that's part of our charm! quit fucking it up. WASH: look, i know you guys are all wrapped up in your little red versus blue battles — CABOOSE: blue versus red battles. no one says red versus blue; it sounds stupid when you say it backwards. WASH: — but this is important. actual military operations, not your fake simulation stuff. something is hunting our top agents, and i need all the help i can get to stop it. CHURCH: stop it? if it's killing freelancers i wanna start a fan club for it. build it a website. WASH: and now that the ship from your canyon is crashed, we think it's more powerful than ever. it gains new abilities every time it kills — CHURCH: wait, wait, whoa. you found tex's ship? WASH: we believe so. CHURCH: where? WASH: come with me and i'll show you. [ walking off with church and caboose on his heels ]
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CHAPTER FOUR